Coffee-time Strategy

Japan’s proud boast to being a relatively safe country has on the whole been a good thing to experience; I have never really felt truly afraid for my wellbeing or personal belongings. However, it has some annoying side-effects.

As people’s first reaction to seeing unattended baggage is not “got to steal!” but “leave it well alone” a lot of Japanese, upon entering a café or coffee-shop first scout for empty tables, dump an item on the chair, a bag, coat, packet of cigarettes or strand of hair, and then take their sweet time ordering their drinks at the counter. This is what I call “toweling”, staking claim to territory by laving behind a personal item. In the west, of course, it’s an invitation to get robbed, but not in Japan, which is why it happens so much.

Now this is all fine in theory but what about those people that don’t have items to discard or, like me, are too British and adhere to the Law of Queuing? Well, we’re stuffed. Nothing is quite so annoying as to be in a long queue in a busy coffee-shop only to see some salaryman barge in, drop his bag at the only available table and then join the end of the queue. It fair boils my blood, it does.

The situation isn’t helped by loafers; as coffee-shops are favourite places for students to study or tired workers to have a nap a lot of tables are occupied for a time for in excess of that needed to have a drink. Uppity chains like Starbucks already forbid this kind of behaviour on weekends, but none of them have tackled the toweling issue yet.

Just the other day I was in a stand-off with a salaryman who came in a few minutes after me, but as I had to wait for my Mocha to be made and he only had an instantly served ice coffee he was able to enter the smoking room well in advance of me, which pissed me off no end, as it was particularly busy. When I finally had my coffee though I noticed he was milling around because all the tables were occupied. Except, that is, for one which looked occupied as a lady had put her handbag on a chair. We both approached as the woman removed her bag to make space but as I was slightly more aggressive than he I shoved my tray ahead and stole the table right from under his nose. Sweet victory was made all the sweeter by the fact he had to mill around for a few more minutes before another table came free. Though he didn’t show it, I really hope it pissed him off. Not that I’m vengeful or anything, you see.

The battle for free tables in cafes can be as bloody as that for breathing space in rush-hour trains. Always be prepared and, if you must, play as dirty as your opponent; bring at least one disposable item with you to towel your table with as soon as you come in. And don’t feel hurried if people start queuing for tables, it’s time for some payback. Drink your coffee at leisure, read a book, have a nap, take your time. It’s the way things go in these parts.